Sunday, January 30, 2011
Boys are...boys, perhaps?
Well, its been a few days since I've last blogged here. Alot has happened in the last weekend. I broke up with my other half...and it's been anything but easy. It's funny how you want someone to change so bad that you will take them out of your life to help them. It's so frustrating...
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Nightmare
Hi, so my name is Hannah. I just recently created this blog for myself, but its also for anyone that comes across it. I know it sounds dumb, but I feel like this is a "private-public" way to share my thoughts, opinions, and stories with anyone who comes across them.
So I'll start with giving a basic background for this post. My mom died of diabetes almost nine years ago on Valentines Day. I never really had time to grieve over this loss, as my dad remarried only six months later. I was also trying to make sure my brother was ok, and that, in my opinion, overshadowed my own time to cope with the loss of my mom.
Last night, as I was sleeping with my boyfriend in bed, I had a dream about my mother. I was sitting in my old house that we lived in while mom was still alive, and Mom and I were sitting in my old bedroom talking about how she was murder by some girl named Jundie. It was hard waking up from my dream. It was like I was really there, talking to my beloved mother once again. When I first woke up, I rolled over, told my boyfriend "I just had the craziest nightmare." I told him what happened. I rolled over so my back was towards my boyfriend, and simply said, "I miss my mom," and started crying.
It's so hard to deal with the loss of a parent everyday, even though it was so long ago. I had gone from talking to my mother I haven't spoken with in over eight years, to awakening to the worst nightmare their could be: life without her. I hate how I was talking to her, and then just like that, I lost her all over again.
I wish their was more help for me. I've been to therapist after therapist, medication after medication, and nothing can take away the hole I have in my heart. I've learned to realize that losing someone is a part of life, and you have to just go on and live your lifes to the best you can to make them proud.
So I'll start with giving a basic background for this post. My mom died of diabetes almost nine years ago on Valentines Day. I never really had time to grieve over this loss, as my dad remarried only six months later. I was also trying to make sure my brother was ok, and that, in my opinion, overshadowed my own time to cope with the loss of my mom.
Last night, as I was sleeping with my boyfriend in bed, I had a dream about my mother. I was sitting in my old house that we lived in while mom was still alive, and Mom and I were sitting in my old bedroom talking about how she was murder by some girl named Jundie. It was hard waking up from my dream. It was like I was really there, talking to my beloved mother once again. When I first woke up, I rolled over, told my boyfriend "I just had the craziest nightmare." I told him what happened. I rolled over so my back was towards my boyfriend, and simply said, "I miss my mom," and started crying.
It's so hard to deal with the loss of a parent everyday, even though it was so long ago. I had gone from talking to my mother I haven't spoken with in over eight years, to awakening to the worst nightmare their could be: life without her. I hate how I was talking to her, and then just like that, I lost her all over again.
I wish their was more help for me. I've been to therapist after therapist, medication after medication, and nothing can take away the hole I have in my heart. I've learned to realize that losing someone is a part of life, and you have to just go on and live your lifes to the best you can to make them proud.
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