The Nightmare

Hi, so my name is Hannah. I just recently created this blog for myself, but its also for anyone that comes across it. I know it sounds dumb, but I feel like this is a "private-public" way to share my thoughts, opinions, and stories with anyone who comes across them.
So I'll start with giving a basic background for this post. My mom died of diabetes almost nine years ago on Valentines Day. I never really had time to grieve over this loss, as my dad remarried only six months later. I was also trying to make sure my brother was ok, and that, in my opinion, overshadowed my own time to cope with the loss of my mom.
Last night, as I was sleeping with my boyfriend in bed, I had a dream about my mother. I was sitting in my old house that we lived in while mom was still alive, and Mom and I were sitting in my old bedroom talking about how she was murder by some girl named Jundie. It was hard waking up from my dream. It was like I was really there, talking to my beloved mother once again. When I first woke up, I rolled over, told my boyfriend "I just had the craziest nightmare." I told him what happened. I rolled over so my back was towards my boyfriend, and simply said, "I miss my mom," and started crying.
It's so hard to deal with the loss of a parent everyday, even though it was so long ago. I had gone from talking to my mother I haven't spoken with in over eight years, to awakening to the worst nightmare their could be: life without her. I hate how I was talking to her, and then just like that, I lost her all over again.
I wish their was more help for me. I've been to therapist after therapist, medication after medication, and nothing can take away the hole I have in my heart. I've learned to realize that losing someone is a part of life, and you have to just go on and live your lifes to the best you can to make them proud.